if you watched the Fox Network Republican Debate and thought all the applause was coming from the audience in the room.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe only top tier candidates should be given an opportunity to answer every question (applies to Democratic debates too) and you don’t mind having the media decide who the top tier candidates are.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you would feel shame to be called a moderate on any issue.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if your position on any issue promotes your own self-interest.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe the best way to achieve your goals is by using fear, loathing and disinformation and paranoia.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe that torture is an OK method to get information.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe no war is wrong if its long.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe the U. S. government should clear a secure path for your business anywhere in the world.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe the government’s only purpose is to support business.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you believe the only good reason to collect taxes is to pay for a war.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you are more concerned about your neighbors sex life than your own.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if you think abortion should be a private decision and make it clear you won’t support your position on the record.
you might be a conservative Republican.
if a future that includes a viable Social Security program makes you want to curl up into a fetal position and weep uncontrollably.
you might be a conservative Republican.
And finally, everyone will know you are a conservative Republican if your hairdo can withstand 200MPH wind speeds and if you keep a comb in strategic locations like your desk drawer, your breast pocket, and your aide carries a comb for you.
How to score your answers:
if you believe fewer than 3 statements you are not two faced and selfish enough to call yourself conservative.
if you only believe 4 or 5 statements you still have too high of a value system to call yourself conservative.
if you believe 6 or more statements and sport a helmut-like hairdo you are conservative enough to be believable.
