In a few days, will be one month since my mother-in-law passed away. On the day of her death, Ruth woke to take her 5 A.M. medicine, a while later she went back to sleep and never woke up again. Ruth died following a truly courageous and inspiring battle with cancer.
One year ago, in November 2006, the family was gathered to watch the OSU - Michigan game. The Buckeyes beat Michigan that day but their win did not cancel our sense of gloom as we drove home that evening. During the game, Ruth talked with the women, and mentioned her early symptoms. I recall how she took care not to be overheard by the guys in the room.
After the holidays were over, she took herself to a doctor and began the journey that would take her to a place where she would need her considerable intelligence, courage, positive attitude and physical strength. In what seemed like years, but was really only 9 months, Ruth had surgery, months of chemotherapy, weeks of radiation therapy, countless CTR scans, and several MRI's. Her two daughters, youngest son, and her youngest sister, ( Rosemary, Coral, Jim, and Ann, respectively ) were Ruth's diligent caretakers.
The day before her death, Ruth and her sister watched their last OSU - Michigan game together. While her three sons watched the game in her living room, the two sisters watched in the bedroom. I like to think Ruth's last day was filled with contentment. She was with her family and the Bucks beat Michigan again.
Since Ruth's death, I have found some comfort in reading poetry. I like to write poems myself, but I couldn't get a handle on my feelings. I knew there was much to be said but the words wouldn't sort themselves out.......
Until this morning, when I read Grace Paley's poem, "For My Daughter"
I shamelessly borrowed from her format and found the words I needed to say.
For My Mother-In-Law
I wanted to bring her my best
or maybe a cup of love
crackers toast coffee eggs
whatever she could keep down
I wanted to sit beside her
as she regained her
strength to diss bad puzzles
Jeopardy contestants
share and laugh with her
I wanted to hear what she thought
believed encouraged
I wanted to help her grow old
I wanted to say last words for
her ears only
I wanted her to leave this world
knowing how much I admired her
Instead her last words to me
were about dinner rolls
my last words to her said
where she could buy the
particular rolls I had baked
for her that day.
It was an honor to have known
Ruth Feucht.
